To-do list or not to-do list. That is the question.
So… today is day one of my week without a to-do list… supposedly…
So far, I’m anxious and a little overwhelmed. Almost decided to cancel the whole thing, and resort to the safety of my to-do list, but I decided to at least try it for these reasons…
1. I’ve learned to recognize trepidation combined with excitement is usually a sign that I am about to head into a new direction and that on the other side there are gifts for me- usually of the GROWTH kind.
2. There’s a part of me that knows that my to-do list story, ie, “I need my to-do list to survive, to manage my life/day…” is just that: a story. I’m curiously approaching my stories lately, drawn to experimenting with their validity. Wondering: Who am I without this story? What might happen? What can unfold?
3. I’m curious how “the other people” live- you know, the ones who don’t make four lists every day of the things they need to accomplish. They talk a lot about this “flow” thing. I want to find my flow.
4. It’s like taking a pacifier away from a baby. The baby doesn’t NEED her pacifier. She just thinks she does. What if I don’t really need a to-do list, I just rely on it for the illusion of control and order? I want to find out.
5. So much of my work supporting women is about learning to 'hear the monkey chatter and do it anyway" Well the monkey chatter is going nuts this morning: You won’t know what to do. You’ll forget to do important things. You’ll be scattered and unfocused. You’ll be overwhelmed if you don’t get everything out of your head and onto paper. You'll be ineffective. You'll bounce around manically all day. The truth is, I’m scattered and unfocused often WITH a to-do list. I’m overwhelmed on a regular basis. I bounce around all day. Is the list maintaining in some magical way, my sanity? Something tells me no.
6. I'm not one to "usually" sit with discomfort. In fact, it's something I avoid on a regular basis. Another story I am challenging- can I be with this discomfort, and not run, numb, dodge, avoid, 'self-medicate', distract, resist, give in, scamper back to 'safety'? Something tells me yes.
7. Deep inside, past the chatter, past the discomfort is a feeling, an inquiry, a desire for freedom. I think I might find freedom away from the tyranny of the lists. Maybe.
Right now though, I’m struggling with the urge to fold and just grab my notebook and make my four lists. (Each day, I create one for MoveStudio, one for SacredSexyU, one for personal “life” tasks and one for errands or things I need to do outside of the house.) I’m realizing that this discomfort comes from the false sense of security my lists give me.
I’m wondering how my day will unfold without them. I’m nervous. I’m anxious. I’m uncomfortable. But I’m gonna do it anyway. Tomorrow, I might go scampering back to the lists… but just for today, I’m in. I’m experimenting with comfort zones. I’m looking for my flow.
So… today is day one of my week without a to-do list… supposedly…
So far, I’m anxious and a little overwhelmed. Almost decided to cancel the whole thing, and resort to the safety of my to-do list, but I decided to at least try it for these reasons…
1. I’ve learned to recognize trepidation combined with excitement is usually a sign that I am about to head into a new direction and that on the other side there are gifts for me- usually of the GROWTH kind.
2. There’s a part of me that knows that my to-do list story, ie, “I need my to-do list to survive, to manage my life/day…” is just that: a story. I’m curiously approaching my stories lately, drawn to experimenting with their validity. Wondering: Who am I without this story? What might happen? What can unfold?
3. I’m curious how “the other people” live- you know, the ones who don’t make four lists every day of the things they need to accomplish. They talk a lot about this “flow” thing. I want to find my flow.
4. It’s like taking a pacifier away from a baby. The baby doesn’t NEED her pacifier. She just thinks she does. What if I don’t really need a to-do list, I just rely on it for the illusion of control and order? I want to find out.
5. So much of my work supporting women is about learning to 'hear the monkey chatter and do it anyway" Well the monkey chatter is going nuts this morning: You won’t know what to do. You’ll forget to do important things. You’ll be scattered and unfocused. You’ll be overwhelmed if you don’t get everything out of your head and onto paper. You'll be ineffective. You'll bounce around manically all day. The truth is, I’m scattered and unfocused often WITH a to-do list. I’m overwhelmed on a regular basis. I bounce around all day. Is the list maintaining in some magical way, my sanity? Something tells me no.
6. I'm not one to "usually" sit with discomfort. In fact, it's something I avoid on a regular basis. Another story I am challenging- can I be with this discomfort, and not run, numb, dodge, avoid, 'self-medicate', distract, resist, give in, scamper back to 'safety'? Something tells me yes.
7. Deep inside, past the chatter, past the discomfort is a feeling, an inquiry, a desire for freedom. I think I might find freedom away from the tyranny of the lists. Maybe.
Right now though, I’m struggling with the urge to fold and just grab my notebook and make my four lists. (Each day, I create one for MoveStudio, one for SacredSexyU, one for personal “life” tasks and one for errands or things I need to do outside of the house.) I’m realizing that this discomfort comes from the false sense of security my lists give me.
I’m wondering how my day will unfold without them. I’m nervous. I’m anxious. I’m uncomfortable. But I’m gonna do it anyway. Tomorrow, I might go scampering back to the lists… but just for today, I’m in. I’m experimenting with comfort zones. I’m looking for my flow.
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